nariz · de · gato

i just got my molar #31 (where i once had a root canal done) extracted today. the dentist injected my gums with novacaine at least 4 times, and chipped at my tooth, then pulled out the roots. when i got home i slept most of the day away and had vivid dreams.
i'm in pain. the motrin/ibuprofen's not enough to kill it off. someone bring me some whiskey or something!

i am officially done with the semester. my last final was really easy and fun. we watched short films, had discussion, and had a potluck in my women in social movements class. it was my favorite class i've ever taken in my fine 16 years of schooling. if anyone who's reading this goes to eastern, wayne state, or washtenau community college, take a class with dyann logwood; she is amazing.

( construyendo nuestra identidad, romperemos el silencio )

last night, i mean morning, i didn't leave the library till 6:30 am, feeling like shit and worn out. i got home, got my pj pants on, was in the bathroom patting my face dry after washing it, and felt something that felt almost like a wrinkle between me and my pants.
i shook out my leg a little and down came this fucking roach or waterbug or whatever the fuck you want to call it (the size of my pinky finger) down my leg and onto the floor.
roaches are pretty much my #1 fear. i have a phobia; yes, i have a problem. i screamed and panicked and cried and hyperventilated, waking up everyone in the house. caitlin's bf darrin just opened the door, asked if i was alright, and once i told him what happened he just said "oh geez" and shut the door, which at the moment pissed me off. i mean, i know its rude or whatever that i woke them up but i felt that was really insensitive. luckily sarah sat down with me, made me a bed on the couch, and helped me breathe and distracted me a bit.
ahh, i still feel traumatized and almost as if i can still feel it on my leg. it's extremely disturbing.

so i have to write a  5-8 page paper tonight that's due tomorrow so i'm probably not going to sleep tonight and i have work tomorrow at 9:30 am.
procrastination always gets the best of me.
5-8 pages isn't a lot or a big deal but it seems like whatever i write for this class isn't specific enough or the quality of it isn't good enough for the prof.
at least i have an energy drink to temporarily give me some kind of bottled energy for an hour or two.
ohhh geeezz. 

entertain me. leave me a message. tell me what's new dear livejournal friends.

i wish i would've done more journaling (as in actual written journaling) as a kid. in kindergarten we did journaling focused on a theme the teacher gave us. she'd write down whatever we told her, and we'd illustrate the story. you learn a lot about yourself now and who you were by reading those journals even if they're about your favorite dinosaur (mine was a terodactyl) or about the way you looked at your family and your identity.
i started writing in a diary (i hate that word,) in middle school. it was alright but i always felt it was an act or some practiced routine i had to go through, or worse, some obligation. then in junior high it just got worst; i hate reading my writing from that time cause it's all about gossip and friends betraying each other and stupid boy drama and how depressed i was.
i didn't do too much writing in high school until i got a sketch journal with the intention of sketching but ended up writing in it (as i still do now except now i know that most of the pages are going to be used for writing.) in high school and even until recently i wrote more depressing shit even though it was disguised in vague abstract prose or something.
i want to have fun again with journaling. i want to draw dinosaurs again and write about crazy dreams that seemed real that i end up forgetting most of when i wake up and about things i want to do and about things that make me happy and little things i learn from people every day.

shit. i have to go talk to a professor about dropping a class. it's the first time i've ever tried dropping a class, but i feel this one's justifiable. it was too advanced for me. i should've taken queer theory or writing theory or something moreso related to my major/co-major. the class is way too intimidating and the only other undergrads in the class (there are only 3 of us out of 25 or so)  didn't do the research paper either.
i already let her know i want to drop the class via email but i'm scared of talking in person with her even though she's pretty calm and nice although i think there's a  condescending tone in her 'niceness.'
ahhhhhh i can't wait for this semester to be over!

yesterday i went to a specialist dentist and found out that i do in fact have an abcess in my tooth (molar #31 where i had a root canal done about 2 years ago!)

so what that means is getting my tooth pulled out will be my own or my mom's "christmas" present to me. cheers to having to be on antibiotics and pain killers (which the dentist already prescribed to me.)
after the dentist i went to a marshall's nearby to get my momma a b-day gift, and was trying to look to longjohn's for myself, but there weren't any in the women's section or kids section for that matter! the only set of longjohns in the entire store were in the men's department! wtfffffff. in the women's department there was a rack that had trendy and tacky little tank tops under a sign that read "dress up to entertain" or something like that. it's appauling to me that women are getting the message that we're supposed to look cute and entertain and freeze our asses off during the dead of winter while there were about 4 different brands of men's longjohns they can choose from. If there were a men's xtra xtra small size i would've gotten "mens" longjohns but they don't make em that size!
i also got really tired of hearing christmas music everywhere-- in the dentist office and marshall's. i can't even enjoy the cheeseball chrismass tunes. maybe i sound "grinch-y" but seriously our culture here in the good olde u.s. of a is obsessed with christmas! christmas is being marketed the day after halloween. we're still about 2 or 3 weeks away from it and i'm already tired of it!

when it starts getting cold sometimes i can't remember if my dreams were real.

("boston" by kristine virsis from just seeds. .. i wish the sky looked like this.)

and i wish i could see this.

and these songs have been in my head since i woke up.

if you don't know anything about viola liuzzo you should read this.
i didn't know anything about her till i saw the film "home of the brave," which is a documentary that was made about her involvement in the civil rights movement. it aired a few years ago at the detroit film theater, and her kids did a q and a session after the film.
apparently she went to the church my grandma goes to (the 1st u.u. church on cass and forest.)
i named my volvo "viola" after her.

http://www25.uua.org/uuhs/duub/articles/violaliuzzo.html